Have you ever been part of a conversation where a group of people are talking, and one person is part of the group but just listening, and someone abruptly turns to the listening person and says, “You’re very quiet”?
Speaking as someone who is regularly the quiet person in this scenario, please do not do this.
Look. First of all, I know I’m quiet. I’m often super aware. You don’t have to inform me.
Secondly, HOW ON EARTH DO YOU EXPECT ME TO RESPOND TO THIS? Really. I would like to know. Because other than an awkward, “Yeah, I guess,” I’ve never been able to come up with a response that’s not snarky and rude. Especially since I suddenly feel extremely uncomfortable, which makes it difficult to think.
Is that the goal? To make people uncomfortable? Because I don’t think it is. I think this is an attempt to make the quiet person feel noticed and included, which is a nice gesture, in theory.
BUT THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO DO IT.
Try asking them a question. Questions that require more than one-word answers are good if you want to make conversation. But really, you might even try just smiling at them. Or making sure to notice if they do talk. They’re more likely to appreciate attempts to make them feel comfortable enough to join the conversation than attempts to make them join the conversation.
Be more thoughtful and creative than, “You’re very quiet.”