Posted in Life

Happy Birthday, D! (The Third)

My dear friend D’s birthday is coming up later this week. She posts her friends’ funny quotes on her blog on their birthdays, and since she’s a very funny person, it’s only right that someone posts hers. Have some amusement added to your day. (And if you want more, you can find previous years’ posts here and here.)

 

I wrote off ‘actress’ as a potential career move because I didn’t want to kiss actors.

I really just love that in his mind, I’m an eighty-year-old woman with nothing to do but sit on her computer creaming strangers at Words with Friends. We all know it will be true someday…

#LeagueofNations is currently trending on Twitter. Apparently it’s some kind of wrestling event? I was really wondering why the precursor to the United Nations was relevant on Twitter…. :p

[In a book review] The illustrations are beautiful and the concept is great, but anyone reading this to their child will be troubled by the vast quantity of obscure words the dog character uses…. However, I’m still rating this four stars, because I am the niche audience: someone who gets extremely excited about a fairy dogfather who fills his every sentence with words like ‘surmise’ and ‘perspicacious.’

Me: But how do you sing things like, “The weather outside is frightful,” when it’s not?
D: …The same way I sing romantic love songs, Zella. By suspending disbelief and engaging the imagination. XD

Today I sewed a complicated Christmas gift without crying once. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

“No, posterity, I won’t explain. Also I may be dead anyway when you’re reading this.”
My journals bring so much joy to my life.

Today’s mildly disturbing thought: People have many recommended means of dealing with spiritual warfare; my favorite is yelling “IF THE DEVIL DOESN’T LIKE IT HE CAN SIT ON A TACK.”

If it was an arranged marriage, then it wouldn’t be weird.

Once recently I was writing a Peterson story that slowly turned into extended exposition. I used alliteration and was like, “Oops, now it’s a sermon.”

Western Civilization Part One. It’s fabulous. The textbook is so well-written I’ve fangirled over it.

Last night, I dreamed that I was Rose in the 1997 Titanic movie. Only… it was really just me in the form of Rose, because I spent the whole movie being disturbed by Jack and trying to get away from him.

“And you come alongside someone and literally breathe life back into them.”
Nope, that’s CPR.

I’m pretty sure if Agatha Christie ever took a career placement test, it suggested serial killer and she decided to make good on that in fiction. xD And of course I say that with utmost respect.

I feel like it’s worth pointing out that the acronym for Songs of Solomon is SOS, just in case none of you have ever noticed.

Random thought: the classic Rapunzel story is a powerful metaphor against “Homeschool Extremism.” If you try to protect your child from the world, limit their influences, and create an obsessive bubble, they will be too clueless to know how to deal with the larger world and will make an ill-fated match that makes you tear your hair out or cut off theirs. The end.

I probably consumed a hundred gallons of syrup in my childhood.

According to an Internet test, I have the vocabulary of a sixty-eight year old. This is very satisfying.

Kinda want to get married so that I can use Switchfoot lyrics as captions for pictures of my spouse.

Not the first time I’ve spontaneously burst into laughter while washing my hands in the women’s bathroom…

“It’s so easy to see your heart.”
Words of encouragement or invasive surgery?

I was just lying on my floor snuggling with Teefty and thought how I’ll never put pressure on a spouse to give me the best-ever Valentine’s Day present. I already got it and her name is Teefty.

Fun! But did he ever suggest that he was going to murder you on the table? That’s the mark of an ideal patient/doctor relationship, apparently.

[Talking about the TV show The Flash]
Gaby: WE NEED TO /PROPERLY/ CAST D NOW
D: Cast me as his girlfriend. O:)

ADAM YOUNG’S NEXT INSTRUMENTAL ALBUM IS ABOUT LINDBERGH
MY LIFE JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER

At church today, I noticed that it’s perfectly normal for us to sing bad words in songs when it’s Easter. We all say “oh hell” unashamedly. XD

Gaby: The only thing that’s worse than coding is DEBUGGING.
D: Dealing with bugs of any kind always results in suffering, so I’m not surprised.

When times get tough and I feel overwhelmed, sometimes I cheer myself up by remembering that we took pictures in front of a chalk Lorax mural during one of the best weeks of my life.

I would get mad if I was about to get to a major plot twist reading someone’s journal and then the surprise was stolen.

Many of my favorite pants have been deemed unwearable by others with more taste than I. XD

I have never expressed an interest in being impaled.

[Talking about buying journals] At least we can rule out all the tacky ones and all the ones with Oprah quotes.

Academic advisor: “You did really, really well on the math placement test.”
God is real and He works miracles, guys. XD

I recognize that guy, but I don’t know whose boyfriend he is.

I swear, I learned half of my vocabulary words from Charles the Rooster.

Baby steps, baby steps. Teenager steps, which are even smaller.

The Olympians having Twitter accounts is one of the best things about the Twenty-First Century.

“As I have told you, I was a very astute child. Well, I may not have told you that, but it was implied.” PLEASE make sure this ends up in my quote post. It’s my favorite conceited thing I’ve ever said. XD

Here are funny things I may or may not have shared before. Some of them need to go in my quote post at the end of this month. #humble

You know it’s a slow night at the library when the people at the desk are looking up YouTube videos of how to eat pomegranates.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” Yes! Let me tell you how I met my stuffed panda bear.

I act like I’m a good person, but I used to hide in the bathroom to get out of helping unload groceries. #confession #sinnersavedbygrace

The great thing about being a writer is that when people are annoying, you can turn it into useful, applicable research into human nature.

A Bible that is falling apart probably belongs to a person who isn’t… or to a nine-year-old boy.

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