My name is William Zachariah Morrison, Great White Shark, Most Honored and Respectable Essayist in the Seven Seas. Though for many years now I have been Revered and Loved by All, there was in my life one Great Sorrow, which came, most unfortunately, through my acquaintance with the Kindest Mammal in the Seven Seas, Barbara the Manatee.
Barbara the Manatee adopted me when I was young, before I was Revered and Loved by All, or even by a few. But Barbara the Manatee called me George.
When possible, I prefer to be called William Zachariah Morrison. However, I realize this can be a large mouthful, especially for the Very Small Fish among those who Revere and Love me. So I am willing to accept William or Bill. I have even tolerated Zach from a few impertinent fans. But George is not even slightly connected to my name, and each time I hear it, it cuts me to the Depths of my Soul.
One day last week, I was visiting Oscar Eel, my therapist – all Honored and Respectable Essayists must have a therapist, you know, it is quite the latest fad. During our discussion, I revealed to him my Great Sorrow. In return, Oscar Eel gave me a Shocking Suggestion: I should ask Barbara the Manatee why she calls me George!
I was, of course, Properly Shocked by this Shocking Suggestion, but as I thought it over, I realized that every Honored and Respectable Essayist must sometimes do something Shocking in order to have material for their Honored and Respectable Essays. Therefore, I proceeded to visit Barbara the Manatee, who was Greatly Pleased to see me. I wasted no time, but immediately asked her my Question. She was not Properly Shocked, but rather Confused. “Your name was George on the adoption papers!” she exclaimed.
I fetched these to examine, and together we discovered her Mistake. Above my name was the name of the Lawyer, Ahithophel George the Clownfish.
While Barbara the Manatee understood my Distress, she was not sure she could stop calling me George. To my Surprise, I found that I did not mind the name now that I knew it had been a Mistake.
Thus the Great Sorrow of William Zachariah Morrison, Great White Shark, Most Honored and Respectable Essayist in the Seven Seas, was alleviated.