This report is just in from the newsroom.
Scientists are investigating an epidemic of a previously unrecognized disease, which they are calling Finalscomeitis. The cause of the disease has not yet been positively determined, but students nearing the end of a semester seem particularly susceptible. There have been rumors that it could be deadly, but we have not received confirmation of this. One unfortunate young lady, who wished to remain anonymous, shared her heartbreaking story with us:
“Everything had been going just fine. Then, I woke up one morning and hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, and it suddenly hit me that it was almost the end of the semester and I have a million projects to complete and finals to study for and summer job applications to fill out. I started to feel woozy and nauseated, and ever since, I’ve… *sniffle* been unable to… *sob* concentrate…”
The poor soul was sobbing too hard to finish her testimony.
The symptoms of this debilitating disease include:
Lack of motivation
Claiming “homework” (or something similar) as an excuse to not socialize, but not following through on the given excuse
A sudden devotion to a mindless activity such as FreeCell
Frequent complaints of fatigue
The writing of blog posts such as this one
Bouts of sudden terror concerning grades or work performance
If you believe one of your loved ones has contracted Finalscomeitis, do not despair. The symptoms respond well to TLC, and the disease often disappears altogether with a timely reduction of stressful circumstances.